ginger: (kitty)
Backstory: Holly and I each have one horribly snooty cat and one sweet-but-dumb cat. Holly's sweet-but-dumb cat can be seen here, sporting his new lion cut. Mine get along with each other most of the time, her two sorta don't.

This is the conversation that would ensue if our cats met.

Cast of characters:
Baine: My snooty cat, long-haired grey tabby male, mostly Maine Coon
Valor: My lovable dimwit cat, shorthaired orange tabby male
Mayoke: Holly's snooty cat, shorthaired Siamese female
Flufftard: Holly's dimwit, normally-long-haired Himalayan male

Baine: "If you get your people to move someplace civilized, I would help you hide bodies. Especially the ones who did that to you. It's an affront to feline dignity."
Flufftard: "But, I thought it was kind of...trendy and exciting. Cutting edge. I...less licking? No?"
Baine: "No."
Baine: "And while we're at it, we need to discuss this name of yours."
Flufftard: "I can slide across the floor! That's fun! No?"
Baine: *looks down his nose* "Fun? FUN?"
Flufftard: "Fluff-tard? You don't...like? What's wrong with my name? I'm named after the great Emperor Flufftardonius XIV"
Flufftard: "Yeah, you know, Fun! You just kinda run in here and you scrabble around like this and sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide on your butt! You try it! See, watch me. WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *thud*"
Baine: "Are you sure you're a cat?"
Flufftard: "I, uh...I think so!"
*Mayoke walks in*
Mayoke: "This? This is a disgrace. This is a failure. This...who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house? Don't touch that, that's mine. And that. And the redhead. Yes, that one too. No, she's mine. I say so."
Baine: "Now that's more like it. Wanna go out for wheatgrass?"
Mayoke: "Well, alright. Do you lick your butt at the table?"
Baine: "Of COURSE not. That's my brother."
Valor: "Hey, how do you do that sliding thing!?"
Baine: *facepaw*
Flufftard: "Will you be my friend will you will you we can slide on the floor it'll be sweeeeeet!"
Valor: "YEAH! Let's go slide! And then we can block the stairs!"
Flufftard: "Block the stairs block the stairs block the stairs WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE block the stairs block the stairs! Hey, do you ever chase the snobby cats? I like that a lot!"

Now for those who find chatty cats amusing: [livejournal.com profile] cat_convos!

Catlings

23 May 2006 10:33 am
ginger: (Default)
As I'm sure most of you know by now, I have two cats in the vicinity of four and a half years old. (They're six months apart, so I tend to average their ages.)



Valor is the orange tabby on the left, and the older of the two. Sometimes I think he thinks he's a dog. He almost never makes any vocalizations, unless something is Terribly Wrong like he's all wet or in a cat carrier. Or if he sees me go to bed. He's seriously the world's biggest mama's boy - if he sees me go into our bedroom and shut the door and not come right back out, he'll cry and paw at the door. Drives Dan bonkers, because he doesn't meow - it's this horrible SOMEONE IS KILLING ME RIGHT NOW IN A VERY GORY MANNER AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME TUNA FISH FIRST yowl. He's also afraid of heights, and likes to snuggle with me, especially when I'm trying to do something else. And he gives me kisses. He's not the brightest crayon in the box though - he still hasn't figured out that eating the artificial Christmas tree makes his tummy upset, and that just because the fake tree and the broom sorta LOOK like plants, that doesn't mean they're edible. But he's a sweetheart.

Baine (his full name is Valor's Baine, creative spelling intentional) is the brown and grey tabby on the right, younger by 6 months. I'm pretty sure he's mostly Maine Coon, because he's HUGE (16.5 pounds!) and dramatically fluffy, and he never grew into the size of his paws. He's a big stickler for feline dignity. Hates to have his fur ruffled, very rarely tolerates pets for more than a minute or two and gets VERY indignant if he's picked up. But if he doesn't feel that people are admiring him enough, he'll do this. If someone is in the shower and doesn't close the bathroom door tight, he'll wait in there to make sure they don't drown. And when he was younger, he learned that if he body-checked [livejournal.com profile] joyce's door hard enough, he could open it. (Alas, he learned this at night, and [livejournal.com profile] joyce woke the rest of the house up screaming when her door banged open at 2 in the morning. He doesn't do that much anymore though.) He potty-trained himself when he was about 8 months old, and for a year, we lived in a house with a sign on the toilet lid reading "If you can see this, the cat will pee in the sink. Please lift the lid. And stop laughing, we can hear you from the living room. It's not our fault, he trained himself. We said stop laughing!" He got over his "I'm too good to pee in the catbox" thing though once we moved out of that place, but he would still rather pee in the toilet than the box. Can I tell you how weird it is to have to wait for your cat to be done in the bathroom when you're getting ready for work in the morning?

Oh. He was named Valor's Baine because I got him the day Valor got fixed, so 7-week-old Baine was all bouncing around and wanting to play, while doped-out Valor (who was about a quarter-pound into the 6-to-12-pound sedative dose, so he'd gotten enough sedative to knock out a cat almost twice his size) just wanted to sleep, and Baine just wouldn't back off and Valor was too dopey to do anything like bat him away or even hiss. (But not too dopey to try to jump onto the windowsill when I wasn't looking. See aforementioned "not brightest crayon in box".)

Sometimes I feel kinda bad that Valor gets more pets and cuddles than Baine does, but then it occurs to me that if Baine wanted more pets and cuddles than he gets, he would probably come over for pets, or jump into my lap, or even not struggle like mad when I pick him up or run away when I go to him for pets. But Baine didn't get so stand-offish til he was a year and a half old or so - before that, he was a mama's boy too.

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ginger

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